In short, my religious history is this: 25 years of devout Christianity, then-odd years of searching, wherein I was a non-practicing Christian while I got really engrossed in other world religions, such as Taoism, Buddhism, Unitarian Universalism, and Vedantic Hinduism. Then I discovered Reform Judaism, loved it, converted. And I was an active reform Jew for about 2 years.
And I didn’t believe that Reform Judaism was really any superior than any other relgion. It was just one I was most comfortable with. Then I slowly drifted away from it, and became what most people would consider a Deist.

But I became more and more questioning about the suffering in the world. I came to a conclusion that the only just way a divine being could allow suffering, is if the people actually “chose” to suffer. That is, people would live many lives, each deciding before each life, what kind they would want to live. And some actually chose to suffer, because it would make a more interesting life.

But sometime after that, I did more thinking as well. And I started to read a lot of atheist writings and watched atheist videos. I figured whatever the truth was, or whoever God is, reading atheist content would serve to strip away all the anthromorphic dross surrounding God, till nothing but God was left. I figured since God was so supreme, separate, and unknowable, the most accurate way to think about him was through atheistic terms. Does that make sense?

Plus, atheists always seemed to address the qualities of some religions thatI had always had a problem with. Especially fundamentalism, ethnocentrism, homophobia, xenophobia, etc.

My next step I guess was a form of agnostocism. I saw God as purposely trying to be irrelevant or hidden. So, whether or not God existed, we’re best to live as if God didn’t.

There were two reasons I was still hanging onto belief.

First, I couldn’t believe that something as massive as the universe and complicated as the human body could have come about by chance alone.

Secondly, self-sacrificial acts of love seemed to be something contrary to the survivial of the fittest and something that had to be inspired by a separate, supreme being.

But then I did a lot of reading about evolution. And I learned how it could be possible for something like the human body to evolve. The same with the universe.

Then, as to love, I just believed that it was just something irrational, but beautiful, that humans, and perhaps some animals, just invented at some point. Kind of like abstract art or music.

This whole slip from Judaism to full atheism: 1-2 years.

But, Richard Dawkins has said that on a scale of 1 – 7, where 7 is 100% atheist (something like that) and that 1 is a true believer, he is a 6. Thus he leaves room for the possibility of the existence of god existnence (just as the tooth fairy may exist). That, I assume, is because there is no disproof of god’s existence. If you can’t prove it wrong, then it may exist.

So, I to am a 6. I doubt there is a God. But if he appeared to me tomorrow, I was somehow convinced he was not a hallucination, hoax, or just some powerful alien, I would probably turn into a 1 or 2.

Advertisements